Prairie

by Jennifer Hedstrom

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03:40
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03:33
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02:59
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03:47
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04:39
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credits

released January 17, 2018

All songs written and performed by Jennifer Hedstrom.
Drums by James McKenzie.

Recorded, mixed, and mastered by Steve Gotcher at Audio for the Arts.
(Madison, WI)

Photography by Maureen Janson Heintz.
Makeup by Somali Wilson.
Album Layout by Thomas Fulfer.

Thank You:
Mom and Dad. Nick Ledesma. James McKenzie. Somali Wilson. Jake Penner. Yoo Soo Kim. Emily Worzalla. To friends, family, and fans.

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about

Jennifer Hedstrom Madison, Wisconsin

Combining classical training with calculated lyricism, Jennifer Hedstrom is a dynamic performer whose songs extend the full range of darkness to light. Her recordings and dramatic live performances have earned her comparisons to artists such as Regina Spektor, Joni Mitchell, Sara Bareilles, and Amanda Palmer. Raised in the Chicago suburbs, Jennifer has been based out of Madison, WI since 2010. ... more

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Track Name: Blood Moon
Blood moon night
Mysteries growing from light
Cheeks so flush at the touch of
Shadows in the sky

Cool autumn breeze
Along the lake and through the trees
Cheeks so flush at the touch of
Fingers on red leaves

Meet me in the night
Meet me in the moon
Meet me in the wind
Meet me again
Meet me in my lips
Meet me in my arms
Meet me in my skin
Meet me again, again
Track Name: I'm Not Her
I've been hearing 'bout what you've done
You've replaced me with another one
And though you've known her just a couple months
I hear you're sayin' forever soon

And, yeah, I think it's kinda weird
I mean, we were together for so many years
Seems strange to go straight from drying tears
To a wedding

Pre-chorus
My friends and family have been checking in
To see if I'm doin' alright
And I answer laughing that I'm goddamn happy
To be who I am tonight

Chorus
'Cause I'm not her
No I'm the one that got away
I'm not her
I'm not the one who has to stay
and I'm feelin' free
'Cause you ain't got a hold on me no more
No no no no no no

You must have swept her off her feet
Yeah, I recall, you did the same to me
So I'm takin' bets on how long til she sees
That she's made a big mistake

'Cause I can't believe that you have changed
Enough to make the vows that you'll exchange
That shit don't happen in just a couple days
But, hey, I could be wrong

Pre-Chorus/Chorus

It's easy to feel angry
When I think of all the time I'd given you
After the way you'd treat me
How I'd forgive and we would start anew
While year by year kept passing
and there was no more laughing
Just screams and tears thrown 'cross the living room
and since we talked of wedding
The horror of imagining
What my life could have been is making me glad that...

Chorus
Track Name: Searching
Feel like I spend all of my time tryin' to find a place
in my mind where I can be peaceful
Been ripping, digging, tugging, into the crimson
inside of me searching for light
I'm searching for light
I'm told there's a light in all of us
I've been told there's a god or spirit
or energy in all of us
I've been told so many things

Feel like I spend all of my time tryin' to find a place
in the world where I can be peaceful
Been screaming, growling, crying, sobbing, shouting,
"Shut the fuck up!"
I'm searching for quiet
I know there's a quiet in all of us
While we're told to shop, to watch, to Tweet,
there's a place in all of us
But we're told too many things

Is that you? Is that you, honey?
Can you hear me now?
Hello? Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?

Feel like I spend all of my time trying to find
a place in my mind where I can be peaceful,
peaceful, peaceful, peaceful...
Track Name: OMG
Oh my god! Your smile...is intoxicating
Almost as much as your fingers on my skin
Though I wouldn't really know
We don't touch all that often
Which is fine, I don't really mind
Well, I do but I don't
What I mean is...
I'm just happy to be with you
And your smile is enough on its own

And your eyes. Holy crap! I mean, we have these moments
Where the conversation stops
And I see your gears turning and feel like I'm learning you
Feel like I'm seeing YOU
And I see you in this whole new light
And my heart starts to pound
God, I love your mind and
Also your eyes

You're so goddamn beautiful
I need to stare at the sun for comfort
And every time I see you I'm so excited
I could live on the adrenaline of just knowing you

You see, over there, the sky meets the ocean
They appear to be touching, can we say that they are?
And the sky makes the ocean blue
Or, is it the ocean makes the sky?
Oh shit, I don't really remember
But either way they share their color
We could be a horizon
If you wanted to

Oh god, I'm being so impatient
I'm sorry, I really try not to be
It's just that I have this big imagination and
Sometimes you're there
But I try not to put too much stock in my fantasies
So that I can enjoy your reality
But, sometimes I just wonder
Sometimes I just want to
Some time to just reach out and
Grab your hand
Track Name: Prairie
I love to stand
Next to flowers taller than me
Reaching up their petals open to the sun
I wanna grow wild like them
Wild and free

I love to walk
Where the grass grows abundantly
Crashing into each other as they rise
I wanna grow close like them
And be prairie

I tried to love
‘Til the flame came flashing through me
And here where my roots dig deep in the ground
The ash will settle
And I’ll start clean
A new prairie
Track Name: Abandon Hope
We all die we all die we all die
Everyday
We walk in loss
Loss of love, loss of self, loss of family
Loss of work, loss of home, we are always losing
Everyday
Abandon Hope
You'll be happy

You cannot worry if you have nothing to lose
But then you also cannot live
You cannot worry if you know in your heart
You will lose you will lose you will lose you will...

And you're alive you're alive you're alive
You win, you lose
You live, you die
This is fine...

We all lie we all lie we all lie
Everyday
We wear our masks
Pretend to be a saint, pretend to be a queen, pretend to be happy
Pretend to be a saint, pretend to be a queen, pretend to be shiny
Everyday

They hang these posters on the wall like,
“Determination”
They tell us, “God will favor all”
Favor our hopes, favor our nation
They tell us, “Smile and you'll be happy!”
They tell us, “You'll find joy when you finally marry”
They tell us, “Stay in line!” and “Have faith.
Good things will come to those who wait.”

And we all die we all die we all die
But you're alive you're alive you're alive

Life is great
But do not hope for more
Do not wait
For the day
When there is not a chore
A day when there is not a war
A day when you no longer cry
A day when you don't say goodbye
A day when you no longer remember his name
Do not wait for something better something
better something...

Cause we all die we all die we all die...
And you're alive you're alive you're alive...
I'm alive/You're alive/We're alive
Track Name: Correct Me If I'm Wrong
Correct me if I'm wrong
But you still think about me
Correct me if I'm wrong
But you love me still
After all that I have done
I find it hard to believe
So tell me if I'm right
And correct me if I'm wrong

All you were was tenderness
And I stayed a stone
A constant winter
When all you breathed was warmth
But despite my bad behavior
I'm not getting what I deserve
You stayed faithful
But correct me if I'm wrong

I still think of you too
And sometimes I love you, sometimes
But that isn't enough
For a man who's so good and kind
You need somebody who
Would be sure to love you
All of the time, all of the time
Give up on me so I can give up on you
Track Name: The Ugly
Love love love
I've been here before
Love love love
I've been through this door
So forgive me, dear
If I pause in my fear

I loved him and gave him everything
I loved him and gave him all of me
I loved him
Even the ugly

Forgive me, Lord for I have sinned
I gave him all the blame because of my shame

Love love love
I've been here before
Love love love
I've been through this door
So forgive me, dear
If I pause
In my fear

I loved him and gave him everything
I loved him and gave him all of me
I loved him
Even the ugly

I loved him and gave him everything
I loved him til there was no more of me
I loved him
And then came the ugly
Track Name: Through the Trees
Moving through trees I remember you

We moved
Sometimes silent, sometimes sharing dreams
Sometimes touching,
sometimes each at our own pace

Moving through trees I remember you

We moved
Steaming. Seperating on the path.
You far ahead. And me…
Trying to the enjoy the smell of the woods anyway

Moving through trees I remember you
Track Name: I Can Be Anyone
I can be anyone
I can be anyone by myself
Not just someone for someone else
I can go anywhere
I can go anywhere by myself
Not just follow someone else

There's something here that needs to change
In my soul

Mama told me, "Child,"
Mama told me, "better get married"
Mama told me, "Child,"
Mama told me, "start up your family.
it's time to live for someone else."
Daddy told me, "Child,"
Daddy told me, "never get married"
Daddy told me, "Child,"
Daddy said, "your friends are your family.
It's time to live for yourself."

There's something here that needs to change
In my soul

Even in good love there's a trade-off
It's time to learn to love myself
Even in your love there's a trade-off
Even in my love there's a trade-off
It's time to learn to love ourselves

There's something here that needs to change
There's something here I need to change
On my own